I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
