I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
