Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
