Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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