I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
