I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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