i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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