Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
