my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
