i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
