Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
