I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
