I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
