you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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