I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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