your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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