honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
