guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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