I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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