foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
