we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
