Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
