Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
