You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Let's paint friendship bongs
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
