Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
