Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
