we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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