There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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