She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
