ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
