It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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