talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
