She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
