good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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