it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
