What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize