I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
