Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
