I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
