I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
