im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Randomize
