a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize