there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
