how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
