We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
