So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
