At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
