I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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