you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
