You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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