Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
