My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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