The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
