i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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