You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
