you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
