I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
