Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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