We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
