Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
