I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize