I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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