I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
