forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
