how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My pussy is not your playground.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
