did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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