Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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