when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
