So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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