I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
