Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
