You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
