remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Church boner. Awkwardddd
His hands were made for my vagina.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
