We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
