I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
