I just cut my nipple shaving
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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