It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
