just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
smell my finger.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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