They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
