SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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