i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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