So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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