Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
